why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
