Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
