i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
