I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
