i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
