So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
