I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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