Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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