dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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