just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've blown a few things in my day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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