The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
