bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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