yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
