I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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