Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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