he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
