nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
