a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
