so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
