i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
