Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
porn star boner night. come get it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
