how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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