Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My pussy is not your playground.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
