Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
