I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
