i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
