I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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