the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
