Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
