We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
