I think I just saw someone hide a body.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
