GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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