God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
