Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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