is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I currently don't understand fingers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
