Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
