I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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