My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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