remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How's work?
Spinning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
