Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
