We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
