Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize