I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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