My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
