ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
