The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
