Don't you send me to vm
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
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sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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