um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
