We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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