No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
