"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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