It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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