Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
