We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
