See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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