is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
