I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
