im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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