I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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