i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
