Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
