i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
