This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
