I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
