Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
