I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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