I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
