chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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