A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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