my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
