like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
