I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
