Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
