overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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