Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
