My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
