Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
