rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
