As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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