This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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